


Captivity

by Poposusz



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Adult Edward Elric, Automail Pain, Best buds, Disability, Ed has problems, Ed is so stubborn, Ed stays in the military, Edward Elric Keeps Alchemy, Edward Elric Keeps Automail, Edward Elric Swears, Heart-to-Heart, Hurt Edward Elric, Hurt/Comfort, Mustang knows how to fix problems, Parental Roy Mustang, Sick Edward Elric, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:47:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22549582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poposusz/pseuds/Poposusz
Summary: Ed’s body was deteriorating fast. What Mustang saw was not what he was expecting. He was expecting rage-filled words and hissing to come from the man aimed at their captors. What he saw instead broke his heart.orEd deals with being isolated and has help from the best of people.
Relationships: Edward Elric & Roy Mustang
Comments: 16
Kudos: 219





	1. Chapter 1

Ed’s body was deteriorating fast. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been held in the place now. The automail ate up what little food he was given within minutes it felt like. Leaving him collapsed on the floor. His breaths were heavy and strained. Like breathing had become too taxing to his body. His flesh arm held tight above his head, the cuffs screwed into the cement wall. His automail arm was still attached, or what remained of it. From the elbow down was nothing but jagged pieces of bent metal. The wires hanging haphazardly. Every once in a while when he would move a certain way they might connect and cause a short. This made Ed convulse. He was sitting in a pile of vomit and blood. Reflectively he had tried using his automail stump to rub his face and had instead been left with cuts from the sharp metal. Ed was a disaster, to say the least.  
He wasn’t sure who exactly had him or what all they wanted. The pain and exhaustion had left him with a half a mind to focus on. His arm was sore above his head and his whole body ached from lack of use. Who knew when and how he was ever getting out?  
There were loud noises coming towards the door. Ed knew he should care, but couldn’t seem to find the resolve. All of a sudden a figure was shoved through the door. 

“If you are so worried about him, get in there!”  
The man toppled to the ground. Ed looked over at him. Mustang. A sense of relief filled him. The guilt he didn’t quite know was tormenting him, eased up. Mustang looked over at Ed.  
What Mustang saw was not what he was expecting. He was expecting rage-filled words and hissing to come from the man aimed at their captors. What he saw instead broke his heart. Ed was hollow. His cheeks concave. His ribs sticking out. His face was a mess of ugly gashes halfway healed. Mustang almost thought he was dead for a minute. His breaths were short and shallow. His eyes were puffy and red. His hair was sticking to his face from sweat and blood.  
It had been five weeks since Ed was taken captive. Five weeks with little food and sleep. It could drive any person insane. The cell was cold and no blankets or warmth was offered. Ed’s shirt was only halfway on having been torn in his fit of rage to escape. Mustang eased over towards him. His skin was pale and though Edward was shivering his body was caked in sweat.

“Fullmetal. Are you sick?” Ed looked up at him.

“I think the automail is getting infected.”  
He shifted ever so slightly and exposed the port. All around the shoulder was red and swelled. Something that looked like puss and oil was oozing out. Mustang held his breath. The smell was horrendous. 

“Is there something I can do to help?” Ed took a big breath in.

“I need you to take my arm off. And possibly my leg.” Mustang pulled back a bit.

“Won’t that hurt?” Ed scoffed a little.

“It can’t get much worse. But yeah, it’ll hurt. And don’t be surprised if I pass out or... well let’s hope that doesn’t happen.”  
Mustang wasn’t sure what he meant. He knew Edward wouldn’t just lay down and die. But this man in front of him hardly resembled the Fullmetal Alchemist.

“There’s a piece of metal at the top of the joint that flips up. Underneath is the release lever. You’ll have to switch that and then disconnect the arm as fast as possible. Try not to touch the exposed wires.”  
Mustang took a big breath. He had help Edward to sit up against the wall. The arm looked like a bear had mauled on it. Ed started to shift so that Mustang could get a better angle on the arm when some of the exposed wires connected. At once Ed’s body froze up and his eyes rolled back into his head. His body started to jerk and foam was forming around his mouth. He was having a seizure. Roy was at a loss of what to do. So he took the plunge to get the arm off as fast as he could. The seizure was easing up and Ed’s body was going slack. Mustang found the flap and pulled the release lever. He took the arm and pulled. Ed’s eyes snapped open and he started to scream. In a few more seconds the arm was off and Ed was breathless. The automail felt like ice in Mustangs hands. He tossed the appendage across the room. 

“Edward, are you alright? Did that help?” Roy was attempting to help him lie back down. The man looked so spent. So close to death it was frightening him.

“Yeah, thank you.” Ed shut his eyes.  
Mustang knew this wasn’t right. They had kept promising that Edward was alright and unharmed. That was a bald-faced lie. They seemed to have even forgotten he was in this place.  
Mustang went to the door. And pounded. And screamed until someone eventually showed up.

“What?!” The man barked in his face. 

“I need some things. I need some water, food, and bandages. If we don’t do something fast he is going to die.” The man peered over Mustang’s shoulder and looked at Ed on the floor. He looked back at Mustang and nodded.  
When the jailor came back Mustang was handed some soup, water bottles, bandages, and a blanket. It was like they forgot that the Fullmetal Alchemist was even human.  
Roy knelt down next to Edward who was sleeping. He used some of the water to wet some bandages and start wiping up the blood that was caked on his face. The gashes on his face were varied, some deep and other not so much. They were slightly swollen and red though. Next Mustang moved to the port. After getting the blood and oil wiped away he bandaged it up with some antiseptic that was left was well.  
Roy took the blanket and wrapped it around Ed. He checked on the automail leg. It was freezing to the touch as well and slightly swollen around the port. Roy didn’t think Ed could walk even if he tried. The best thing to do for him would be to remove the leg as well. He would wait until after Ed woke up and ate. Staring down at his subordinate Roy couldn’t help but feel guilty. They had tried to negotiate for his release, but the price the captors wanted was far too high, even for a State Alchemist. Now it was only a matter of time for Maes to finish up the negotiation. After five weeks they had to come to a compromise. If Roy had known this was the state that Fullmetal was in, he wouldn’t have waited. The kidnappers had assured them time and again that Edward was lucid, and well taken care of. They were fools to believe them.  
Ed had been reduced to a quarter of his normal self. Who knew how long it would take him to get back to where he was. Ed opened his eyes a bit.  
“Roy, I’m glad you are here.” He croaked out. Roy looked down at him.  
“I’m sorry I couldn’t be here sooner.”  
.  
Ed huffed, and smiled “It’s okay. I’m happy you’re here now," he said. Ed shut his eyes again. Roy couldn’t help but tear up. This was the only comfort Ed had gotten in five weeks. The only human interaction. This was wrong. He had matured, now 20 years old. He looked like he was a little kid again. Beat down and starved. This was grotesque. For someone so full of life, so full of kindness and fervor to be reduced to such a void. They would pay.  
Mustang decided no price was too high for these people. They had removed his gloves when he stepped in but hadn’t bothered to check for another pair. When that door opened the next time, hell would be staring them in the face.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed’s condition did seem to be better. Edward’s breathing had evened out and some color was returning to him. Instead of looking like he was dead, he looked like he was almost dead. What an improvement. 
> 
> “Are we leaving?” Ed asked quietly, hopefully.

#  Chatper 2 

Ed’s condition did seem to be better. Mustang wasn’t sure how long he sat there. Ed had woken up. Roy drew a little transmutation circle around the cuff and with a simple process the cuff popped off. Ed was surprised. “I didn’t know you could do alchemy like that?” Roy scoffed 

“I know a few tricks besides burning everything to a crisp.” It was true. Every alchemist started somewhere. Roy had especially been observant to know how to get out of sticky situations. While he did know more than flame alchemy, he hardly came across situations where he would use normal transmutations. 

“Huh. Guess that makes sense. I always figured you just knew theory.” Ed smiled a bit at him. He was referring to their many conservations and theories they had swapped between themselves through the years. Edward’s breathing had evened out and some color was returning to him. He had been hesitantly sipping at some of the soup. His now uncuffed hand looked very unsteady. His wrist bone-thin and chaffed. Mustang eyed him suspiciously. Instead of looking like he was dead, he looked like he was almost dead. What an improvement. 

“Hey, Roy...” Ed stammered. He was looking at his wrist too. 

“I don’t look too good do I?” Ed was biting his lip vehemently. Ed knew he was a disaster. He could feel it. He felt how the skin pulled over his ribs every time he breathed. How lifting a spoon was hurting his arm. How his hair was longer and filthy. The cuts on his face itched and slightly burned to remind him of his confusion earlier. Ed knew he couldn’t walk out of here. Especially now missing a leg. His stumps were burning and every breath sent a searing pain into each scar. He pulled the blanket a little closer. A little more hidden. A little more put together maybe? More like taken apart, he thought bitterly. 

Roy was shattering. This was so unsettling. Edward Elric was boastful, prideful and confident. Ed was quick as a cat and though he was...small he was a vicious fighter. This Ed was just small. He was small and weak and miserable. He was mangled, missing his arm, his leg and his vitality. Curled up in the corner of a rank room, he could easily be mistaken as a child. The blanket literally engulfed him with his head poking out. His face a mess of lacerations, which had yet to be explained to Mustang. His hair was unbraided and longer than normal. No Edward did not look too good. 

“No Ed. You don’t look very good.” Mustang wasn’t about to lie to him and feed him false hope. Ed shut his eyes and a sigh escaped him. 

“Don’t let Al see me like this.” Mustang wasn’t expecting this. He figured Ed would want to be reunited with his brother as soon he was returned. 

“I can’t let him see me like this. He’ll blame himself. He got his body back but I’m still... he’ll blame himself.” Roy thought he understood. Alphonse was back to normal thanks to Ed. Ed, on the other hand, was still half metal and would be forever. Ed wouldn’t be in as rough as a shape with all flesh and blood. The automail always took a toll on him, sapping his strength and heat when not properly supplied for. Ed normally ate like a horse to balance it out. Now given nothing but scraps for weeks the automail had eaten his own body. Al would blame himself. Roy understood. 

“Okay. We can work that out.” 

“I don’t want to be stuck in hospital Roy.” The hits kept coming. No Al, no extended hospital stay. Ed wouldn’t stay there even if he was ordered to and Roy knew it. 

“You’ll need to go for a bit.” Roy needed him to know that. Ed nodded and Roy breathed a sigh of relief. 

“Could I...” Ed’s face was flushed. The blush coloring down to his neck. 

“Do you think... would it be possible if...if I stayed with you for a while?” This was Ed asking for help. This was Edward asking for help from him. How many times had he told Ed that he was here for him? To help and guide? And now he was actually asking for some help. 

“Of course. I am here for you Edward.” Ed closed his eyes again and leaned back against the wall. 

“Don’t think this means we’re friends.” Ed was peering at him his eyes squinted. A slight teasing tone was in his voice. 

“Wouldn’t dream of being friends with a bean like you,” Roy smirked right back. Ed let out a little laugh. 

Mustang wasn’t sure what he was gonna do, but he knew he had to do something to these...savages. Ed was sleeping again after their talk. These people did not deserve any mercy. They didn’t deserve to have their demands filled in the first place. They deserved to suffer. And Roy was no stranger to suffering. He was well able to inflict suffering as well. Burns were said to be the most painful type of wound. How the feeling would intensify if left a moment without something cool. How it took forever to heal and the healing process was not pleasant either. Now he only needed to wait. To wait and strike. Strike swift and fast. Leave them begging for mercy and not offering them any. Anger was burning through him. His subordinate reduced to this, treated like this. His own surrogate son swallowing his pride and asking for help. He would not have it. Not under these circumstances. He slipped his boot off and found the spare glove with a flame-red circle drawn on it and put it on. These people were going to burn in hell before he was through. 

There was a sound at the door. Finally. Mustang glanced at Ed, still curled in the corner. Roy knew he would not be in any shape to fight or run. But they shouldn’t have to. The negotiations should be finished by now. The demented people that had left Fullmetal rot in here should open the door willingly. The door swung open. A large man stood smiling slightly. 

“You free.” He said in broken Amestrian. Mustang stood and glared at the man. 

“The demands were met then?” Mustang inquired. He needed a little more information. 

“Price paid. You free. Leave.” The man scowled at him. 

“And you are?” Mustang wanted to know, needed to know. Was this just a lackey? Or by some divine fate was this the leader? 

“I boss. I make the demands.” He seemed pleased with himself. Mustang knelt down next to Ed. He scooped him up. Ed wasn’t very big to begin with and now with no automail, he hardly seemed to weigh anything. Roy started towards the door. 

“He’ll need those too.” Mustang gestured towards the detached arm and leg. Ed made no sign of waking. The big man grunted and called for another man to bring the automail. Perfect thought Roy. Bossman and his lackey. They were making this too easy. They started towards the entrance of the bunker. It was a small bunker, no more than three rooms. This was a small operation Roy suspected, and he was going to wipe it off the face of the earth. 

They stepped into the sun and were blinded for a moment. The day above held none of the sorrow and hurt of that dark room. Ed blinked his eyes open. He looked up at Roy. 

“Are we leaving?” He asked quietly, hopefully. Roy looked down at him. He could feel his ribs and spine poking out from under the bandages and blanket. A slight sparkle ignited in Ed’s eyes. Mustang nodded to him. Ed stared at him for a moment more his brow creasing in concern. 

“Don’t do it you dumbass.” This caught Mustang’s attention. Edward was now full-blown scowling at him. 

“I know what you are thinking. I don’t want anyone to die because of me.” That was Ed’s matter of fact response. Mustangs eyed widened. How had he’d know? How could he even care after what he was subjected to? Was their life even worth a speck? What were their lives when compared to Edward’s? Ed who was somehow so selfless it literally hurt him? Ed who had time and again refused to kill when it was the easiest thing to do, even when it could have saved hurt and pain to himself still he persisted. 

How many people had died because of Roy? How many died at his hand alone? He was sure it innumerable. Could two more hurt? He looked back down to Ed who had closed his eyes again. It could hurt. It would burn bridges between him and Fullmetal. That was something he couldn’t do. And he knew Edward knew that, and that’s why it was said as a simple fact. Roy would respect his wishes even in a situation like this. Maes was waiting across the short field. A slight scowl on his face. He eased up next to Roy and whispered, 

“I thought he was unharmed?” Anger was present and Roy understood. 

“Sure, unharmed and uncared for. He almost starved. His automail is infected too.” Maes was glaring at the ground. 

“We need to do something about this Roy.” Mustang knew his anger. 

“We will. Trust me.” Maes looked back up at him. His eyebrow quirked as if to say ‘you're not going to torch them?’ Mustang just shook his head. 

“I wish I could.” Was his short reply. They lay Ed in the backseat of the car. Hawkeye was sitting in the driver’s seat. 

“The hospital please Lieutenant.” Hawkeye glanced backward in the mirror and saw the state Ed was in. Her face pinched into a glare. 

“Sir, the information we received seems to have been incorrect.” Taken care of and unhurt was their description of Edward. 

“I’m aware. It will be dealt with.” Roy sat in the back with Ed’s head in his lap. First thing was to get him to a hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I did finish up this chapter a bit ago and started on the next, but I thought I'd get this up first! Hope you enjoy.  
> Feel free to follow me on Tumblr too!  
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/poposusz


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed seemed to be getting better, but Mustang worried at what he was truly hiding.

The transition into Mustangs house went very smoothly. Ed seemed to be a little brighter, and had a little more pep in his step. He had been given one crutch that he was able to use to get around. It was a little awkward at first but Edward made it work. He even described a simple way to transmute it to make it more user friendly. After telling Mustang of his idea he then drew out a circle to go with it.  


“Look, it’s simple Mustang. Just extend this part with this part of the circle and make this more comfortable. Add a kind of leever here to help the balance out.”  


Ed was enthustaiclly pointing out his design improvements and how the circle encorporated them. Roy hadn’t seen him this animated in awhile. It was good.  


“Sure, but if this thing backfires Fullmetal...”  


Ed looked over him and smirked.  


“What Mustang? It’ll forever be on my permanent record?”  


Roy glared at him and in return Ed let out a chuckle.  


“Don’t worry, it’ll work! Trust me.”  
Those were all the words Roy needed to hear. He activated the circle and the transmutation fell into place perfectly.  


“Must be weird to have to think of circle to use rather then just you’re fancy clapping.”  


“Pfft shows you what you know. I still have to see the circle in my mind to activate it. This is still alchemy not magic dumbass.”  


“So you just, think of all those circles on the spot? How do you know you’re calculations are right without seeing it?”  


“I am a genius Roy. Give me some credit.”  


Sometimes Roy forgot just how talented Edward was. How he was 12 when he passed the State Exam. How he’d preformed human transmutation as successfully as one could at age 11. It scared Roy to think if Ed hadn’t been on their side all this time. He was brilliant and vicious. The prodigy was far to selfless and that terrified Roy.  


Ed had definetely been improving mood wise. Though Roy wondered if he was just hiding his depression.  
With Ed’s new and improved crutch he seemed to want to be more mobile. He had asked Roy if he wanted a drink while he was crutching through the kitchen. It took a few minutes before Roy realized that quite some time had passed. He looked up to see Ed glaring at the drink sitting on the counter. He had been able to balance and fill the drink up but upon realizing he couldn’t crutch and carry the drink at the same time he was stuck, glaring.  


Mustang got up and walked over towards him.  


“Thanks Ed, appreciate it.” Roy wasn’t being condescending. He did appreciate the effort the young man was going through. He looked over at Ed to see his face flushed, embarrassed.  


“Don’t worry about it Edward, it’s not a a big deal.”  
Ed’s hand clenchd white on the crutch.  


“I know it’s not a big deal dammit! This shouldn’t... I shouldn’t be so fucking useless!” He slammed the crutch to the ground, fist shaking. His balance was still not the greatest and his arm reached out to steady himself on the counter.  


It had been about two weeks since Ed had taken residence at Mustang’s house. He was filling out some more. His face a little less gaunt, but the bags under eyes remained ever present, and his ribs were not quite so discernible. Since roaming around a little more his arm gained a little muscle and didn’t look so shaky. His wrist was now scarred from the cuff as well. He normally roamed with bandages around his chest and called it good. On the odd day that it was colder he’d haphazardly throw on a black tshirt that engulfed him.  


“Ed, trust me. You’re not useless. You’re just...restricted for awhile.”  


“Spit it out Mustang! I’m a fucking cripple! Look at me!” Ed’s lower lip was quivering slightly. His face fully red from anger. Roy glanced at him, sure he was missing his entire leg and arm but he still looked like Ed. He still looked like he could kick everyone’s ass. He still looked feral. The amount of scars on him didn’t help either. His face scarred up now and the scar tissue all around his chest. Not to mention the odd fissure through his abdomen that Mustang could not figure out how that had happened or when. It looked as if it had been almost fused together instead of healed. Mustang had been meaning to ask him for awhile what had happened.  


“Ed, I’m not going to lie to you. Technically speaking you do have some disabilities. But that’s not ALL of you. You’re more than a disability Fullmetal. You are a genius, and fiercely loyal friend. Don’t count yourself useless because you need some help. You’ve brought yourself out of some of the lowest odds possible and stood. You’ve been there for all of us since the beginning. Let us be here for you now.”  
Ed was a little lost. He just need some time to get his thoughts straight.  


“Thanks Mustang, I think I’m going to go lay down for a bit.”  


Roy watched as the young man limped away. Maybe he did just need a little space. 

Ed was running, or more like hopping. The black hands had taken his leg, they were still reaching. Screams where in the background, the stench of blood was overwhelming.  
Suddenly he wasn’t running anymore. He was laying in a pit. The dark hands stretched across his arm into his chest and started to rip and tear away flesh. Ed was screaming, pain flaring out through his body. Blood was gushing, hot and sticky. Ed tried to bring his hands together to get out, and with a lurch was teleported to reality.  


He sat sitting in the bed, sweating profusely. His breathing was erratic and the pain hadn’t stopped. He used his flesh hand to grip onto the shoulder port. It felt like it was jabbing needles throughout the entire port. It was hard to breathe.  
The leg port was also excruciating. Send waves of pain up through his abdomen, pulsing with his heartbeat. Ed could deal with this. He’d hidden the last two doses of pain meds, his body needed to toughen up not get used to be relaxed. He needed to move. Sitting in a puddle of sweat with the smell of blood still lingering wasn’t doing anything helpful to expel the nightmares.  


He struggled a bit to get out of the sheets. Finally free he began to use the hallway to support himself, one hop at a time. In his desperation to escape the room he forgot the crutch. Each hop sent a searing pain through his hip port. He instinctively went to grab at the port and forgot his only hand was helping to support him upright. In another second he was flat on his chest, heaving. The landing was agonizing. His chest port now aflame. A small cry passed through his lips and it went black.  


He must have passed out, because next thing he knew Mustang was there. Concern laced his face and Ed felt so relieved to see him there. It had to be late, he must of made enough noise in the fall to wake the man up.  


“Ed are you alright? What happened?” Mustang gingerly helped him to sit up against the wall. He was still heaving and there was blood staining his chest bandages. His eyes were a little wild and fear and pain creased his face.  


“I’m fine, I just need a second.” Mustang wasn’t buying that for a second. Ed was still gripping his chest port as if trying to rip it off.  


“Let me get you some medicine, and new bandages it looks like you might of really messed up that port.”  
Ed looked like he was about to fight him on the medicine but gave up before he could get a word out. Mustang left and dumped out the bottle of pain pills. All in all it looked as if the medicine was being taken, but the past few days Roy noticed signs and he wasn’t the only one.  


Ed was more breathless then normal and would often space out. He wasn’t moving as much as before and would take a few extra seconds before taking another step. Roy had caught him a few times laying on he couch at night, eyes glazed over. If he was managing the pain, it still must of been agonizing. Ed would sometimes move a bit and stop mid motion, rigid. As if trying to steel himself for the next move.  


Havoc also brought this behavior up.  


“Hey General, how much pain is the chief supppse to be in?”  


Havoc was sitting in front of Mustang’s desk, cigarette unlit and leaning forward slightly.  


“He shouldn’t be in any given the type of painkillers he’s on.” Mustang quirked a brow at Havoc.  


“You’ve noticed then too?” Roy was suspicious of Ed not taking the painkillers but now with another count, he knew it was happening.  


“Yeah, like when he first got the crutch he was a lot more mobile, a little out of it but he didn’t want to sit still. Now it’s like he doesn’t want to move.”  


“I don’t know why he does this. Miss Rockbell said he used to as a kid as well, so I’m guessing it’s a way of him trying to discipline himself.”  
Havoc sat back and huffed.  
“That’s crazy, he’s a smart kid. Maybe he just forgot?” Havoc was trying to rationalize Ed’s behavior. Mustang knew how guilt and trauma could warp one’s perception of certain aspects. His guess was Ed didn’t understand why he deserved not to be in pain.  


“Don’t worry about, I’ll get to the bottom of it.”  
Havoc stood and saluted and left the room scratching the back of his head. 

Roy grabbed a double dose of the medicine and headed back.  


“You haven’t been taking these,” Roy stated it as a fact. Ed flinched a bit, his eyes downcast.  


“I guess I don’t understand why you think you have to not take them? Apparently this isn’t anything new to you. Winry said even when you were a kid you’d hide them.”  


“I’m not a child. I can handle it,” Ed’s voice was small. He was sitting up against the wall still, small and miserable.  


“Edward, no one expects you to do everything without some help. What you are going through is painful even in perfect condition. You don’t have to do this to prove anything, it’s okay to need help.” Roy took a deep breath and sat next to him.  


They sat side by side for a few moments. Reluctantly Ed took the pills and water Roy had sat next to him. He curled in on himself, and Mustang wasn’t sure how to proceed. How did you tell someone that they didn’t need to punish theirself when they believed that’s what they deserved?  


That sat like that till Ed was shuddering, tears streaming down his face. His bangs hiding most of his face, his arm curled around his chest and his knees tucked in.  


“It hurts. It always...has. It always...will.” Ed was shaking now. Roy put his arm around his shoulders and tugged him a little closer.  


“Don’t think less of yourself Ed. It’s okay to have some relief. It’s okay to forgive yourself. You’ve more than paid for your transgressions.”  


“Have...I? After all Al went through... after all I did to him...” Ed was furiously wiping away the tears now, head still hung low.  


“I don’t think Al ever blamed for you anything. I also don’t think he’d approve of you beating yourself up over him still.”  
Ed let out a long sigh. How could he explain? How could he forgive himself for four long years of complete absence of touch, taste, or sleep? How did he not deserve the same retribution?  


“Listen Ed, Al may have had a tougher time for awhile, but he got his whole body back forever. You’ll forever carry the burden of what you guys did. Isn’t that hard enough without you tormenting yourself as well?”  
Roy knew how Ed felt in a sense. After Ishval he felt he had got atone somehow. Depression and guilt ate him alive every night until he felt he’d never recover. The Riza spoke the same words to him.  


“You’ll always carry what we did there. Isnt that punishment enough?”  
She had been right of course. What good would it do to wallow in guilt? Why not try to right the wrongs in a positive way?  
Ed needed to see that as well. He needed to accept a great deal of things before these reopened half healed wounds would close. Ed was selfless to a fault and Roy wondered how much pain it truly caused him.  
Roy wasn’t sure if Ed ever talked to anyone about his weakness or pain. If he ever opened up to anybody about anything negative that had happened in his life. Ed was proud and exuded an aura of confidence. After all this though... he seemed to think he was humiliated.  


“Ed? How did you get that scar? It’s been... bothering me for awhile.” Roy needed to know, and he needed Ed to know that he could open up even more. That Roy wouldn’t reject his shortcomings in the past. What choice had Ed made to end up with that?  


Ed looked up at him. His eyes red and puffy, still looking like he hadn’t slept in days. His face seemed to age significantly with the thought of that scar.  


“It was three years ago up north. Kimblee was there, and in my naivety I thought I could stop him without... murdering him. I was wrong. Next thing I saw was this flash and then...” Ed took a deep sigh that seemed jarring. He exhaled slowly and ran his hand over his face. “I was laying in the bottom of this mine shaft. I thought to myself ‘I have to keep moving’ and there was suddenly so much blood all around. I had fallen onto... or more through a steel beam. I was impaled at the bottom of a pit by that bastard, all so I wouldn’t have to kill him.”  


Roy sat back a little more. Thinking about the scene that Ed had painted. Tying it to the giant scar that was on his back and his stomach. Ed had almost died to save a mass murderer.  


“How did... how did you make it?”  
Ed let a small self deprecating chuckle.  


“Alchemy. Imagine that right? I just used up some of my life force like a philosophers stone to fuse all that mess back together. I still had a brother to save and a job to do after all.”  
Ed leaned his head back against the wall. He had never told anyone about that time, especially not Al. The burden on his shoulders seemed to life just a... bit.  


The medicine must of been kicking in. His eyes felt heavier and the pain had stopped pulsing through him. Guilt washed over at the relief of it. He decided to ignore it for now and just relish in respite.  


“I’m glad you made it out Fullmetal.” Roy could see the pain ease off him. He wondered if he’d told anyone else about that day. He wondered if Al even knew. Doubtful he thought. Ed was never one to mention his misfortunes and he was stubborn enough to avoid questions.  


The sat side by side on the floor in the middle of the night till Ed started to slump over, asleep. Mustang took him back to his room. He replaced the bloodied the bandages from the fall. He then left to give the blonde some much needed rest. This would take time, everything. Recovery both physically and mentally was a process and Mustang knew how taxing it could be. Especially when he considered just how much misfortune and suffering Edward had shouldered.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed notices that he can no longer be alone in a room without feeling anxious. Hawkeye spends the day looking after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the patience! Not sure if anyone is actually waiting for these updates, but here they are!   
> Feel free to follow me on Tumblr too!   
> https://poposusz.tumblr.com/
> 
> Enjoy!

Hawkeye came the next day to watch over Ed. When she arrived she expected Ed to be seated on the couch waiting for her like every other day. But today he was not there and she had a brief moment of panic. She systematically checked the house and found him asleep in his room.

Edward did not stir. He slept through the day. Which was good, but a little concerning. He still needed to eat, and he needed to take the medication. Black Hayate seemed pleased to have a quiet place to sleep and laid down next Ed. Riza was a little distraught. Did she wake him up? But he hadn’t slept in who knows how long. The bags under his eyes never seemed to go away. She was almost certain it was better for him to stay asleep, so she kept up a watch. 

Every hour she would step into the room. Every hour remained the same. Ed was still breathing deeply, no sign of a fever. Riza wasn’t sure if she could wake him even if she tried. She would refill the glass of water with fresh even though it was never touched. Then she would sit and wait till the next check-in. A book in hand, she spent the day on watch. Black Hayate never moved from Ed’s side. 

The minutes seemed to creep by for her. While not one to worry, this did concern her. Halfway through the day, she picked up the phone. 

“Miss Rockbell. This is Riza Hawkeye.” Riza has debated calling the hospital but Winry knew Ed’s condition better than anyone. 

“Hi Riza, what can I help you with?” Winry had had to go back to Rush Valley for her other customers. She was scheduled to come back in two weeks to check on the progress of Ed’s healing. 

“It’s about Edward. He has been asleep all day, and I’m concerned that if he keeps this up he will wake up in pain. And he hasn’t eaten obviously and I was just wondering if I should attempt to wake him up or let him be?” 

“I would say to let him sleep. Ed’s never one to really rest, so if he is I’d let him continue. He will wake up eventually, just make sure some food, water, and medicine are ready.” 

“Thank you, Winry.” Hawkeye felt this was the reassurance she needed. 

“Hey, Riza? How is he doing you know overall?” Winry had her concerns. Ed wasn’t in the best of spirits in the hospital and she hoped his change of scenery was helping. 

“He seems to be doing better. Roy confronted him yesterday about skipping pain meds again. He still seems somewhat depressed as well.” 

A small sigh escaped Winry. 

“He likes to be tough. I don’t know why he’s so stubborn. This hasn’t been easy on him, no matter how much he says it’s fine. Some of his dreams have been crushed for good but he won’t talk to anyone about that... Anyway thanks for calling, I hope I was helpful.” 

“As always Miss Rockbell.” Riza left it at that and they said their goodbyes. It was decided, Ed should sleep as long as he could. 

Roy got off duty that night and came back to find Hawkeye sitting on the couch, book in hand. He didn’t fail to notice how the house looked more put together, and the smell of cooking filled the place. He was surprised to see her alone though. Normally Ed would sit in the same room as someone, no matter what. Mustang had noticed a change in Ed since he came back. Whenever he awoke Ed would normally be in the living room almost waiting for him. If on the rare occasion Mustang awoke first, Ed would stumble in shortly after and seem almost relieved to see him there. 

Mustang also noticed how Ed would subconsciously scoot closer to whoever he was seated by. Mustang knew this wasn’t on purpose, but Ed was wanting to be close to people. Isolation had an effect on people. And Ed was nonexempt from that as well. Edward was never too touchy-feely to being with, so this change in him was quite drastic. When they’d both be sitting on the couch reading Mustang would notice the shifts. They could be on opposite sides and by the time an hour had passed Ed would be leaning against his shoulder. Their shoulders pressed together but Ed never seemed to even realize this. Neither one acknowledged it. 

Hawkeye and Havoc had both relayed the same information to him. Havoc even said when he went out to smoke Ed would follow him, still reading a book. Havoc said he never leaned on him, but would sit on the same furniture. While playing cards he wouldn’t sit across from him either, but rather just to the side of him. 

While this new development didn’t bother Mustang, he wondered if it bothered Ed. Edward was always very independent. Now here he was literally leaning on him. 

“All went well today sir. Edward has been sleeping all day. I did talk to Miss Rockbell and we decided this was the best course for him.” 

Hawkeye ever one to be direct about the details. Roy couldn’t help but smile to have such a diligent second in command. 

“Thanks again for your help. It’s good to have him back.” 

“Please, it’s the least I could do after....” 

Roy knew Riza carried guilt like the rest of them. This shouldn’t have happened to Ed. He was supposed to be safe now, and then they had taken so long to get him back. Guilt was shared among the team. Roy knew Ed felt no animosity for any of the team. If anything Ed believed himself guilty for getting caught. This was absurd to everyone else but the young Alchemist. 

Riza went back to collect Black Hayate. Both him and Ed were still sleeping peacefully. 

“He’s been in here all day.” 

Roy looked at the dog snuggled up next to Ed. This was the most Ed had ever slept since coming to his house. He idly wondered if the presence of the dog had something to do with it. Roy and Riza said their goodbyes and Mustang decided to make it an early night and follow Ed’s suite for some much-needed rest. 

Roy woke up to screaming. It wasn’t the first time and wouldn’t be the last. 

He hurried down the corridor. He knew Ed had nightmares. Ed would always look haunted and drained after a night filled with them. Nothing stirred up your pain and regret quite like a reliving of it in your subconscious. 

“Alphonse! No!” 

Roy stepped into the room to see Ed thrashing. He walked over and quietly held his arm down. “Edward. Wake up.” 

“Take my arm! Just give him back!” 

Roy shook him awake. All a sudden Ed was wide-eyed and terrified. Staring up at him like he had no idea in the world where he was. 

“Al? Are you okay?” Ed reached out and grabbed ahold of Mustang’s arm. 

“They took it! It’s gone, are you okay?” 

“Edward, it’s me Roy. Al’s fine. You’re okay. It was just a dream.” 

“Colonel?” 

All of a sudden Ed’s face pinched in pain. He let go of Mustang to pull on his shoulder port. 

“My arm... Al’s fine. I’m...fine.” Ed lay back slowly, exhausted. Reliving trauma was confusing. Your exsistence seemed to melt away and you were left with nothing but that agony. 

Mustang stood over him for a second before offering him the pain meds and water next to his bed. Ed swallowed them in one hit without a complaint. Edward felt so tired. So tired of hurting, and so tired of fighting it. He felt alone, cold and suffocating. Roy thought this would be a good time to give him some space, but he was wrong. As he went to leave, an arm reached out and grabbed his sleeve. 

“Just wait. Don’t go..” 

Roy was brought back to how he had found Ed, alone and cold and drowned in darkness. He wondered how many times he had laid awake like this and been completely alone. How reminiscent it would have been to that night of failed human transmutation. Coming back from the Truth to find a dead creation and no brother. How utterly alone and horrifying that must of been. How it would have been the same in that cell, forgetting where you were and why. Isolated from any distinctions of actual reality. Mustang sat on the bed, back pressed against the wall. Ed still had a hold of his sleeve and they sat like that. 

Ed would never admit to feeling scared or uncertain, but those long weeks in the cell had affected him in ways he didn’t know possible. He missed the warmth and reassurance of just another person's presence. Ed noticed how he would migrate into the living spaces. Once content to sit in an isolated space and read quietly, now he couldn’t. He would feel uneasy and anxious alone, a sense of dread settling upon him. His skin would prickle with goosebumps and he found it harder to breathe all a sudden. He would sit rereading the same sentences till he couldn’t take it anymore and hobbled out and find Mustang or Hawkeye. 

It was different then it was in the hospital. In the hospital he didn’t want people who respected him to see him so... vulnerable. A select few had been given that privilege, the ones he knew that would never pity him. They might have felt sorry, but they wouldn’t coddle or use kid gloves with him. 

Not to mention the hospital was always loud, sometimes so loud he couldn’t hear himself think. He longed for quiet and to get out of that place, and once he did he didn’t want to be left alone anymore. It was a paradox he hadn’t been prepared for. How he would feel dreadfully alone and desperate for someone else to walk in. How he started to notice his hand twitching. How his vision seemed to swim in black. 

He also noticed that once with someone these symptoms lifted. How another human felt like a warm compress on an aching wound. His skin would stop itching and his breaths came easier. Ed didn’t like being reliant on people like this, but the alternative seemed far too terrifying to deal with right now. He needed interaction now like never before. 

But Mustang had somehow prepared for it and scheduled shifts so that someone was always around. For that Ed was eternally grateful. 

Now being able to hear Mustang just breathe was enough to satiate his fears. Ed knew where he was. He knew that his stumps ached not because he had just committed a taboo but because he’d been stuffed in a cell. He knew Al was alive and well and back in his own body. He knew he'd never be able to say the same. 

A sigh escaped his lips and tears stung at his eyes that he would not let fall. Mustang was warm and reassuring. Ed wasn’t alone. He’d been through worse, he could bear this too. Though maybe he wouldn’t have to do it completely alone this time. 

Mustang rested his hand on his head and ruffled it a bit. 

“Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere.” 

Ed could hear the smile in his voice, and he felt so much lighter in that moment. No, maybe... just maybe...he wouldn’t have to do this all by himself again.


	6. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The doctors informed them that Ed would recover. Starvation still rampant in him, and automail being redone, the man grew more and more distant.

### Chapter 3

The doctors informed them that Ed would recover. Some surgery would be necessary to remove some of the decayed flesh around the automail ports. Winry Rockbell was sent for to help perform it and make sure new ports could be fitted. Ed was a bit distraught. Not only would he never get his flesh back, but more was also being taken now.

“I get it. Do what you need to do.” Was his short reply. 

Roy could see the pain on his face. Not just pain but affliction. For once this wasn’t his direct fault. Some crazy radicalist had drugged him, dragged him to a room, smashed his metal arm to bits and chained to him wall and forgotten about him. Now he was paying the price in pounds of flesh. The leg port would be moved up to his hip, and the rest of the stump amputated. His shoulder port would now take up half of his pectoral. He was overwhelmed. 

Starvation was rampant in him as well. Food had to be given in small doses to make sure his body wouldn’t go into shock. Any muscles Edward used to have were now atrophied. He was a walking skeleton. His eyes still sunken in and sleep deprived bags now adored them. His face gaunt and haunted. Winry had to step out of the room when she first saw him. He still refused Alphonse to look at him. He did allow in him in the room so long as he never saw him. Ed’s pride was ripped to shreds. There was nothing to do now but hopefully pick up the pieces left. 

Edward wasn’t a fan of the hospital and needles were his worst enemy. He still flinched when people went to touch him. The man was broken. It hurt everyone around him to see him in this state. Edward knew this and more often than not turned his visitors away. 

Mustang was never turned away though. He would come and sit quietly while they played a game of chess. Edward would play in silence and answer a few questions if Mustang asked, but nothing more. He never had any complaints or concerns about his state. 

Ed had to wait a minimum of three months before getting his arm and leg back. Plus the rehab would be different from the ports being in different locales. Winry had expressed that his leg would be much different now that he had no stump to attach the automail to. The added complexities of the port in his hip would take some getting used to. 

Ed was silent through most of the explanations. His face rather impassive. A few flinches when swung their arms too close trying to explain. Stoic nonetheless. If he was feeling disappointed or hurt, he said nothing and he was keeping this pain all to himself. Mustang knew it would come out eventually, it had too. Whether Ed blamed himself or not was the big question. 

It was a fight with Ed to even admit he was in pain in the beginning. He kept shrugging it off and refusing the pain meds. It wasn’t until one time Roy walked in on him hunched over sweating, teeth gritted and sharply inhaling that he realized it had to be much more painful than the alchemist ever let on. 

The lacerations on his face had healed up, but not without leaving their marks. A scar now slashed down vertically from above his right eyebrow, missing his eye and ending on his cheek. Another ran horizontally from the left side of his face to about the middle of his cheek. The others left faint scars scattered across his face. 

Ed had trimmed his hair back to normal length. On the days Winry showed up it would be braided back, but normally was left pretty unruly. Ed couldn’t pull it back with one arm after all. He still looked concave, like his stomach was still trying to eat his ribs. Mustang wasn’t sure when Ed looked in the mirror last, he wasn’t sure if he wanted him to. 

The scar tissue now stretched halfway across his chest. Accentuating how his chest was now dipped inwards from hunger. It was getting better. Little by little some flesh was coming back onto his bones. The doctors said no physical activity, and with one leg and arm, Ed was back in a wheelchair. 

What seemed to concern everyone the most is by how...compliant Ed had been, and how slow the progress was moving. No fits of rage, no curse words. He just seemed to lie down and take it. He wouldn’t ask for help, but when being given it he made no comment. 

Upon multiple occasions, people had caught him trying to get into the wheelchair by himself. Sometimes he was successful and would roll around the hospital ward until a nurse scolded him. Otherwise, they’d find him lying on the floor, silent and penitent. 

It made Mustang wonder just how far this had gotten to Edward. After being stuck in a room with no human interaction, and now forced to need it again. It seemed as if he wasn’t sure what to do with it. Was he just so grateful that he accepted help willingly? Or was he feeling so defeated that there was no point in fighting back anymore? It made Mustang wonder how exactly that metal arm had been broken. 

Ed had never spoken of how that had happened to him. Or how his face was lacerated. He never spoke of that time at all really. He sometimes now made dry comments about the weather or the chess game they were playing. From talking with Winry it seemed he put on a mask when she visited. Acted fine and smiled. But everyone knew it wasn't genuine. 

The only time he really seemed a little more light-hearted was when he’d get done reading one of those books Mustang would bring him. He’d snort at the theories and toss the book aside with some mirth. 

“What a load of shit. Where do you find these things anyways?” 

“A lot of them are recommendations from fellow officers actually…” Roy squinted his eyes in amusement, “officers that don’t know anything about alchemy.” 

These seemed to be Ed’s only real escape from reality. Maes and Winry had brought some books from Ed and Al’s house but Edward never touched them. Without these books, it was just one doctor or nurse after another. Some saying he needed to rest more, others talking about “what great improvement”. Ed wasn’t stupid. He knew he wasn’t improving as fast as he should. He also knew that his mood had been far more downcast, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. 

He’d lay in the hospital bed at night, staring at the ceiling. One by one he’d count the tiles, yet sleep never seemed to come. He’d try to turn over before forgetting his missing arm. He’d look down at the missing appendage, sighing. What once was lost would never be returned. The price is too high, the risk is too great. 

Edward was trying to accept that he’d always be an invalid at his most base. That when taking away complex machinery and bravado, he was truly just bark and no bite. Never before had he really thought of the automail as being a part of him. It was more of just a tool, not an extension of himself. It didn’t have blood and bones, just oil and gears. 

Now more of that had been added to him. Ironically it made him feel less human. After having a brother fully encased in armor it seemed hypocritical to think like that, and so his mood was mercurial. Ever shifting between guilt, shame and admissions of his shortcomings. The Fullmetal Alchemist, it seemed the title was starting to fit more and more lately. 

While exhausted, sleep would never come. Replaying what had gone wrong in his life, he’d lie awake. Trying to figure out when the actual turning point was. He’d had so many chances to not make those mistakes, so many warnings and he’d ignored them all. He sacrificed his limbs to try and retain his only family. He’d sacrificed his innocence trying to make it all right. He’d sacrificed his mentality trying to understand. When would it stop? When all seemed right at last, this had happened. When he’d almost come to terms with always being half a person, this fell on him like a load of bricks. It seemed almost too much to bear. To large a burden to smile and laugh. Melancholy and misery seemed to engulf him at times. The world lost color and sound. Would his life just be one struggle after the other always? When would it end? 

He wondered how Al had not gone insane every night like this. He wondered if this was a sort of atonement for all the sufferings he had put his younger brother through. This is what made him most reticent. Equivalent exchange. How many nights had Al stayed awake fighting thoughts like these? How many more did Ed have in front of him? 

After he got the surgery for the ports he seemed even more morose. Roy knew he needed to get him out of the hospital like he promised. He began arrangements to have him moved. The hospital was a life sucker to Edward. Any attempt at alleviating depression was lost when another doctor came in and told him he was improving, though slowly. Roy knew if he could get the young man to laugh and smile again, his recovery would improve ten fold. If he could get him away from the pitying glances and hushed whispers of “what a sad case” Edward would be better off. 

Roy wasn’t sure how deep down the tunnel Edward was going. The young man seemed to be growing ever distant. The bags under his sunken eyes ever present. Was he sleeping at all? Wasn’t he tired? He had to be. Roy wasn’t sure if Ed was accepting pain meds anymore. Even if he was, he could still be hiding them. Mustang would have to find out before they left this day. The surgery for his new shoulder port still looked fresh. The site slightly swollen, blood still staining the bandages. Edward never complained. He never made a noise when they went to change the bandages, baring it all in silence. Winry agreed with Mustang. 

“He’s never done well in hospitals. Ed’s always been...difficult but now it seems as if he’s just given up.” 

Winry was sad to admit it. Ed was always fiery, but now with Al returned to normal and Ed losing more of himself, what did he have to live for? Roy was familiar with the feeling more than he’d care to admit. He wouldn’t leave the young alchemist to wallow in it. He’d be there for him even if Ed wished he’d just leave him alone. 

Though that’s not at all what Edward thought of him right now. Roy was the only one treating him like he was still normal. Treating him as an equal and not a starved, broken child. Ed was eternally grateful when the man stepped in the room and pulled out the chess board. Or brought some “interesting” reading material on half-wit alchemy theories. Ed would snort and know the only reason he brought them was to get Ed to make fun of the ridiculous theories with him. 

Al had surprisingly been understanding about Edward not wanting to see him. Alphonse in his grace understood how his proud brother was and wouldn’t want him to pity him. With that in mind, Al had taken to just calling his brother. He was studying in Central again and wanted to still be in touch. Ed was thankful for that, if not a little conflicted. 

Roy had been sitting playing chess with Ed when he told him. 

“You’ll be discharged today. I’ve made the preparations for your stay. If that’s the road you still want to take.” 

Mustang left the questions up in the air. He didn’t want to pressure Ed, especially if he didn’t remember asking in the first place. Neither had said anything to the other in the days past. Mustang glanced upwards swiftly to gauge Ed’s reaction. He didn’t want to alienate him, or lose the trust Edward had given him during this time. Ed’s eyes had widened and a slight flush was on his cheeks. 

“Y-yeah...that would be great.” 

Mustang breathed a silent sigh of relief. Everyone had agreed that Mustang’s place would be the best for Ed to fully recover in. It was quiet, out of the way, and all on one level. Al knew Ed couldn’t return to their empty house. Maes had offered generously until realizing that Ed would be... handicapped for a lack of a better word. Maes’s place was four stories up and the bedrooms were on the second floor of his place. Also with Elicia running around constantly Edward would never get much alone time. Beside Mustang and Ed co-existed well, and Mustang had some experience in dealing with feelings of declension. 

“So we can leave today?” Ed sounded so hopeful. 

“Yes, I’ve got the house set up for you, you’ll have your own room and a study. If you need anything I’ll be there as well, or Hawkeye.” Mustang had set up an agreement that they could alternate days off so that someone could be there with Ed. Havoc had also insisted on going over for a day a week. Ed never seemed to mind having Havoc around, and it would be a nice change of pace for everyone. 

Fuhrer Grummond was very considerate when hearing about the state that Ed had ended up in. Half the reason being it was his fault for delaying the negotiations for so long. When Mustang had filled him in he had insisted on helping out with the General’s duties. 

Ed looked up at that godforsaken ceiling, composed of 87 tiles. 

“Let’s get the hell out of here.” Ed grinned at him. 

Mustang smiled at his words. This had to be the best course of action for his subordinate. 

“First a few rules.” 

Ed’s eyes narrowed at him. 

“Wouldn't be you if there weren’t any.” 

“Number one, you have to take your medication. No questions asked. There’s no need for you to be in pain when you don’t have to be. I’ll have no excuses Fullmetal.” 

Ed was glaring at him. Of course Mustang had known he’d been slipping the pain meds under the mattress. 

“Fine,” Ed snarled out. 

“Good, second. For the foreseeable future, my house will also be your house. So you need to let me know what we can do to make it feel more like home.” 

Ed looked up at Mustang. This wasn’t something he’d expected. Sure the General had accepted, but he thought he was just being nice. He didn’t expect him to go out of his way for little ol’ Ed. 

“Sure?” 

“Wonderful. We can iron out any details later. I don’t expect any major hiccups. Prepare to leave Fullmetal, we are going home.” Roy stood up and saluted Ed. Ed fought back a snicker, he was doing this on purpose that bastard, being all serious for no reason. 

“Roger General Bastard. Fullmetal prepared to wheel out at any time.” Ed gave him a half-hearted left-handed salute. 

Mustang sent him a grin and went to find the nurse to get him discharged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 3! I didn't realize I had two of the chapters done together!  
> Feel free to follow me on tumblr! Thanks for reading!! 
> 
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/poposusz


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